For those expecting a recipe at the end of this, apologies but not this time.
While initially I started off with a plan for a new recipe post, something unexpected happened. As I opened my computer I looked at the desktop background, as always a wonderfully happy image capturing the moment my new husband and I entered into our reception greeted me. However, behind the smiling images of us now stands a shadow, this is also an image that captured someone who is sadly no longer with us. He was a close family friend, and like most people react after a sudden and tragic passing, we did not see it coming. While I have seen this image daily, for some reason today of all days it struck me in an odd and moving way. For the first time in my life I felt compelled to talk about something I hardly ever dared to admit aloud to people or even think about too much to myself. To those that know me well this may come as a bit of a surprise, my heart is racing and I am crying as I write this, but with each word I feel an incredible peace and lightness coming over me. There is in fact a reason why this man’s passing struck me so hard. As we all soon found out, he struggled for years with something many people, including myself struggled with silently. Depression.
There has been a strong push in the past few years to bring more attention to mental health issues and the silent struggle so many people go through to one degree or another and even now I find it difficult to put down in words. While I do not know if many people will read this, it is something I feel compelled to write about in the hope that perhaps it may help someone. This is something I have never really talked about so please bare with me. I will not be reliving the past here. Happily and thankfully I was able to overcome depression in my own way. What I would like to focus on is how I got through it because maybe, just maybe, someone will find some part of this useful to them or someone they love.
The title of this post gives you a date. 22 years ago on the second day of Grade 1, in a brand new school where everyone spoke English and all I knew was Polish and Spanish is where all this began. The teacher asked me a question which to this day I have no idea what she wanted and I answered with the only word a fellow student was kind enough to teach me the day before, ” F*** “. I did not understand why the entire class was laughing at me, nor why the teacher was yelling at me but when I look back now, I know that it was this particular moment that started years of self doubt, self consciousness and feelings of being alone because in my mind “they just don’t understand me”. While I was bullied in elementary school, after hearing stories and seeing for myself what some others went through and go through, I can’t say my experience was very bad. It did all still play a role in feeling unwanted and worthless, making me doubt myself and my purpose here at every step. 22 years is not how long I battled with this silent struggle, it is a length of time that includes a process and journey I took to get past the feelings of sadness, self doubt and worthlessness. While I know I have gotten past all this many years ago and can say I am very happy and healthy now, I know that this will always be a part of me and something I continually learn from. Once in awhile something will happen or I remember something that makes me go back to that mind set, but now it is only for a slight moment, and it does not take me long to get back to myself and my current state of happiness.
It is in no way easy to push away and jump over those feelings depression brings with it. But something I learned towards the end of high school is that if we take the time to look way down deep inside of ourselves, there is ALWAYS at least one thing that brings joy and happiness into our lives. You just have to be willing to find it and more importantly, use it. This is not something that can be forced onto anyone, it is a journey each person must make, and for people dealing with depression this can be something hard to see or feel until we dig deep enough. What I have learned however, is that this is the key. Do your very best to not focus on the bad things or negativity around you, find at least one thing then go from there. Within time, more and more things will make you happy and soon they begin to outweigh the negative feelings and the bad around you.
For me, it is a bunch of simple little things and it is because of these things that pretty much everything I do today in my adult life has a reason and purpose behind it. These little things, that to most will seem mundane and ordinary all serve the purpose to make me happy and I love them all. They are all part of what makes me who I am and I refuse to not embrace them. Here are just some of the many things….I often buy fresh flowers for the house, for the simple reason that I think they are beautiful and they make me happy. When I am feeling crafty I make something for the home, for myself or for a friend. Even if it does not turn out, the simple fact of doing something creative has always made me happy. Finally, here is how all this relates to this entire blog and my cooking….I cook because simply put, I love it and seeing a smile on someone’s face after eating something I have made makes me happy 🙂
Many, many years ago, during a time I felt the worst about myself, I decided to make a list. A list of all the things I thought were wrong with me and reasons why I felt alone. That night I cried staring at that list and feeling ashamed I stuffed it in a box filled with little notes that my friends and I passed to each other in class. It was a sad and hopeless note among carefree, happy notes from friends and it stayed there in that box for a few years. While I do not remember the exact time this happened I know it was in the Spring and it was early on in high school. On a day like any other as I walked to class, I stopped in the central courtyard between the annex and the main building of our school. In the middle of the courtyard was a religious statue (I went to Catholic School) it is not the statue that made me stop as I am not a religious person despite my schooling. That day it was the newly arriving Spring flowers that stopped me and by stopped, I truly mean STOPPED. I have no recollection of whether or not someone was walking with me that day, all I remember distinctly as the barely warm sun hit my back are those flowers and how in that instant, I felt truly happy for the first time since I could remember. I had found my first thing that made me happy!. That night, I dug out that list I had made a few years before and on the other side I added flowers and sunshine to the crumpled paper. It was a start.
This is just my own personal experience of how I started my journey of finding happiness, each person must find there own. I wish I could offer more help and insight on how to start but the only thing I know for certain is that there is ALWAYS something in each of us that makes us happy even in the slightest way and that is where you need to start.
While this may not work for everyone, perhaps just one person out there may find the following useful to some degree. It is a lesson and a process I live by now, something that has made me happy and makes me who I am.
Find Beauty in the Everyday because believe it or not, it is always there.
In the Winter:
If you are lucky enough to experience a snowfall, catch a snowflake on your mitten or sleeve. Take joy in the thought that like that snowflake, you are unique and there is nobody else out there like you. Without that single snowflake, the snowfall would not be complete, just like the world would not be complete without you.
In the Spring:
Fill your home with flowers or buy flowers for someone you care about to simply brighten their day. Give a stranger a flower and see how that unexpected gesture will bring a smile to their face. Plant something, nurture it and watch it grow knowing that without you, that plant would not exist.
In the Summer:
Stop to feel the warm summer sun on your face and let it bring a smile to your face. Let it melt away any worry and sadness you may feel and as the days grow warmer let yourself grow with them in their warm embrace.
In the Fall:
Do not let a rainfall make you think of sadness. Instead, think of rain as washing away the sadness and find beauty in the rhythm the drops make on your window or path. Then when you are ready, step out into the rain and let go. Walk, skip, spin and even dance knowing that once the rain stops eventually there will be sun again.
At least once in your life watch a sunset. Not for a romantic reason (even though that is nice too) but for the simple reason that with that setting sun, so too can those sad feelings slip away from you making room for happiness and a beautiful life.
More importantly, watch a sunrise. Let the slowly brightening sky fill you with hope and wonder for what is to come. Let the soft rays embrace you because it is a brand new day, a day where you can start to find that one thing that brings you joy. If you already have that one thing, use that day to live to the fullest.
If all else fails, stop. Stop to take in your surroundings and truly be still, for in that moment, perhaps you as well will see something in a different perspective that was there all along, simply hidden from view.
This is what I have learned and I love living my life to the fullest using all these simple little things. They have brought me joy, laughter and happiness. I am able to laugh at myself, be a goof ball, love and be loved and most importantly I have been able to constantly learn about myself and be the unique person that I am. I am surrounded by so many wonderful and loving people in my life and looking back on everything, it is hard to comprehend why I felt the way I did those many years ago.
If any part of this helps just one person start a journey to their happiness I will be forever thankful. If it doesn’t, well I guess I am glad to finally write this all down and continue on this amazing journey that is life with my amazing husband, my fantastic family, all my amazing friends and our pup who has an innate way of cheering up anyone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this now very long story and thank you to everyone who has helped me and been with me along the way, making me who I am. I am forever grateful and filled with love. XO
P.S: A new recipe will be coming soon 🙂
Move over Julia Child! Just kidding, the woman was an amazing chef who’s recipe was the inspiration for this meal.
Let me begin with the fact that I have never eaten beef and enjoyed it, that is until I made this gem of a meal. This whole endeavor began after my hubby came along on a grocery trip with me, you may think ‘big deal’? Well it is, he never does the groceries with me so it was a very nice change. Like almost every man out there, my husband loves beef and just because I do not eat beef does not mean I deprive my man of his carnivorous cravings. However, most of his beef consumption occurs in the warmer months when he can slap a huge plate sized t-bone steak on the grill leaving very little room for sides once it is on the plate. So as we walked through the meat aisle I saw some lovely looking cubes of steak that would be perfect for a stew. I held up the steak and said the magical words….”Boeuf Bourguignon?” his eyes lit up and with a huge smile said “YUP!” How could I resist that?
I knew my evening was set, I would attempt a complex French dish that I may or may not even enjoy in the end. I read several versions of this recipe all over the web and all of them were extremely complicated and at times hard to follow. I gave up and just winged it using similar techniques I use for my Coq Au Vin recipe. After hours in the kitchen I nervously watched my husband take his first bite…as I watched a huge smile come across his face I knew I had a winner! So I sat down next to him and tried my first bite…the beef melted away in my mouth and the flavorful and rich sauce seemed to almost hug me. I can eat beef like this everyday! Now to the recipe…I will try to arrange it as easily as possible below. All together you will require about 4 ½ Hours.
What you will need for a complete dish:
- 3 Lbs Beef (cubed and preferably with some nice marbleizing)
- 4 Sprigs Fresh Thyme
- 1 Tsp each of Salt & Pepper
- 2 Tbsp Olive Oil
- 6 Slices of Thick Bacon
- 20-25 White Pearl Onions
- 5 Medium Carrots (sliced)
- 10 Crimini Mushrooms (cut into ¼” slices)
- 2 Celery Sticks (sliced)
- 15 Small Red Nugget Potatoes (quartered)
- ½ Cup Flour
- 4 Tbsp Butter
- 2 ½ Cups Beef Broth
- 2 Garlic Cloves (minced)
- 2 Tbsp Tomato Paste
- 2 Cups Red Wine (full bodied is preferable, I used a Burgundy
- Place your beef into a large bowl, pour in the 2 Tbsp of Olive Oil, Salt & Pepper and the leaves from 2 Sprigs of Thyme. Mix together and let it sit for an hour.
- While the meat is marinating, cut up your bacon and cook it in a large pan on medium heat. Once the bacon is crispy remove it leaving the bacon fat in the pan.
Prep your veggies:
- Clean and slice up the celery, carrots and mushrooms and set aside in a bowl together.
- Peel the onions cutting off the ends and set aside in a bowl.
- Peel and quarter your potatoes and set aside in a bowl filled with cold water (this will prevent them from turning brown)
Begin the Cooking:
- Place the ½ cup of flour in a shallow dish.
- Dry your marinated meat with a paper towel then dredge in the flour.
- Heat up the bacon fat and add 2 Tbsp of butter.
- Once the fat is hot place your meat in and begin browning it on all sides. Approx. 10 minutes. (do not crowd the meat or it will not brown properly, I did mine in 2 batches)
- Once all the meat is browned set it aside in a bowl.
- Using the left over fat in the pan toss in your onions, celery, carrots and mushrooms. Sauté for 5 minutes to allow the veggies to soften. Set the pan aside.
Prep your Liquids & Continue Cooking:
- Take out a large cast iron pot or an oven & stove top safe dish with a lid.
- Combine the 2 ½ cups beef broth with tomato paste and garlic in a large container.
- Set the 2 cups of wine on the side.
- On high heat, melt 2 Tbsp of butter in the pot and toss in the browned meat, Sauté for 3-4 minutes, stirring constantly.
- Pre-heat oven to 350F.
- De-glaze the pot with 1 ½ cups of the beef broth and tomato paste mix saving the rest of the broth mix for later. Toss in 2 Sprigs of thyme into the pot and add the wine. Bring everything to a boil.
- Cover and place into the oven.
- Cook for 1 ½ Hours. Check on it after an hour and you can stir it to prevent it from sticking to the sides.
- After time is up, remove and stir the contents. Add in the sautéed veggies, quartered potatoes and the rest of the broth and tomato mix. Stir to combine.
- Place back into the oven and cook for another 1 ½ Hours.
If the potatoes are soft when poked with a fork after this time then serve and enjoy, if not, pace back into the oven for 10 – 15 more minutes.
I hope you enjoy this as much as we did 🙂
Looking around at some other blogs it looks like I am not the only one who has either not posted as frequently or is behind on stuff this month. Between decorating, doing all the Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts and most recently taking care of our injured dog who took a stick in the throat, punctured it and almost severed his tonsils, I have been M.I.A from blogging. For those that follow me, I do apologize for this but on a good note our pup is expected to make a slow but full recovery :). Until then, he has taken up residence on our bed and since we do not have the heart to tell him to leave, we now have an 80 pound snoring dog in between us on a queen sized bed. Basically my husband and myself have spent the last week clinging to the edges of the bed, getting great sleeps of course…I can’t imagine how this will play out once we decide to have kids lol.
On to the food…to try and make up for this lack of posting I am posting a Christmas related dish. By this I mean something you can quickly and easily whip up as a side dish for your spectacular Christmas feast. There are so many classic dishes to choose from around the holidays and for each of those dishes there are endless variations. At our house yams are always a must and generally do not last long. Typically, I prepare them with just butter and a bit of salt and they have always been great, but last year I wanted to add a bit of panache to them. I bought a bunch of fresh sage for our turkey and since there was so much left over I did not want it to go to waste. Staring at all the food on our island I had a light bulb moment, I would infuse the butter I needed to use with sage to add a subtle rich flavor to our yams.
For the Sage Butter…
- 6 Tbsp Unsalted Butter
- 10 – 15 Fresh Sage Leaves (finely chopped)
- Melt your butter in a small pan on medium heat.
- Once your butter is melted and bubbling, add in your sage.
- Stirring constantly, allow the sage to crisp up a bit in the butter (approx. 2-5 minutes)
- The golden butter should turn a light green color from the fresh herbs, once you see the leaves are crisped up remove from the heat.
For the Yams...
- 4 Medium Yams (Peeled)
- 2 Tsp Sea Salt
- Cut your yams into cubes (mine were about 2 inches) Helpful tip: if you are in a rush, cut the yams smaller so they boil faster.
- Put your yams into a medium pot and add enough water to just cover the yams and add your salt.
- Cover the pot and bring the water to a boil. Once it is boiling reduce the heat to medium.
- Cook the yams until they are soft. (approx. 15 – 20 minutes depending on how big the cubes area) Helpful Tip: Use a fork or small pairing knife to check the doneness of your yams, if they are soft and fall off the utensil easily they are ready.
- Strain your yams and place back into the pot.
- Add in your sage butter and mash the yams.
This has become a staple in our house. After trying various different methods for making some slow cooker pork this one has come out on top in our house. It all began with not having enough time to make Paleo approved dinners in our house so I began trying to make more and more meals in our slow cooker. This recipe is one of the main reasons I started eating more pork. It is full of wonderful flavors and pairs with so many different things which makes it a super easy Paleo dinner options. Your house will be filled with amazing smells and if you make enough of this, you will have leftovers that can be transformed into tacos, stir fry’s and a number of other options. When I first made this version of pulled pork I made so much of it that we decided to invite my father-in-law over to help us get through some of it. Now normally he does not go up for very many second helpings but after he had a bite of this pork he asked for 2 re-fills and a tupper ware for lunch!. i was more than happy to oblige and since then I have made this dish several more times in order to perfect it. I usually pair it with some of my homemade Apple Cider Pickled Onions, the flavors combine into an amazing meal!
- 2 Pork Tenderloins
- 1/2 White Onion (sliced)
- 6 Garlic Cloves (halved)
- 1 1/2 Cups Chicken Broth (No MSG)
- 1/2 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
- 4 Tbsp Olive Oil
- 1 Tbsp Cinnamon
- 1/2 Tbsp Ground Cumin
- 2 Tsp Onion Powder
- 2 Tsp Seasoning Salt
- 3 Tsp Ground Pepper
- 3 Tsp Garlic Powder
- 2 Tsp Paprika
*If you are putting this pork in before work I recommend combining all the spices the night before in a bowl and putting your onions and garlic into the bottom of the slow cooker before bed, that way you can simply put in the pork, season it and top it off with the broth and vinegar.
- Place your onions, garlic and oil into the bottom of your slow cooker.
- Rinse your pork loins and place them into the slow cooker.
- Combine your seasonings together in a bowl then generously coat the pork with the mixtures. Try to cover the sides as best as possible.
- Mix your broth with the vinegar then gently pork it around the pork being careful not to wash away the spices.
- Close your slow cooker and set it for 8 hours on low.
Finally, come home from work or a day of running around doing errands and enjoy your pork with whatever sides you wish 🙂 You also won’t need to light and scented candles because your house will smell amazing!
I have always been a fan of tomato soup, there is just something comforting about it and always brings me back to my childhood. Let’s just say I had and still have an obsession with tomatoes. My mother can attest to the fact that growing up I practically lived off of tomato and cheese sandwiches and since I used to be such a picky eater, sandwiches it was, for most snacks, lunches and sometimes even dinner. Bless my moms heart, she tried just about everything to get me to eat anything but these sandwiches but with limited success. I even distinctly remember when we lived in Spain she tried to trick me into eating fish by telling me that it was “pollo” something I actually ate on occasion. For those of you who do not know Spanish, “pollo” means chicken, not fish. However at that age and a very limited palette, I took my moms word for it and ate the fish thinking it was chicken. The jig was up pretty quick and I went back to tomato and cheese sandwiches as my go to food source. Since I loved tomatoes so much, tomato soup was a pretty regular occurrence in our house, perhaps that is why it is still such a comfort food for me. This past Thanksgiving I decided to put a twist on the standard tomato soup and since Thanksgiving brings so many rich flavors and sweets to our plates I wanted to start the meal off with something savory and different. Bring on the smoky richness of those crowd pleaser.
- 1 Can Diced Tomatoes (796ml)
- 4 Roasted Red Peppers (I used mine from a jar)
- 5 Sprigs of Thyme
- 4 Garlic Cloves (minced)
- 2 Tsp Smoked Paprika
- 1/4 Tsp Cayenne Pepper
- 1/2 Tsp Ground Pepper
- 2 Tsp Seasoning Salt
- 1/4 White Onion (diced)
- 3 Tbsp Olive Oil
- 8 Cups Chicken Broth (I used one with No MSG)
- 2 Tbsp Coconut Flour (optional for thickening)
- In a medium soup pot heat up your oil and toss in the onions and let them brown.
- Toss in the peppers and tomatoes and combine with the onions.
- Add in your seasonings followed by the broth.
- Bring everything to a boil and then simmer on low for 30 minutes.
- Remove from heat and using a handheld blender, puree the soup until it is smooth. If you do not have a hand held blender you can always pour the soup into a blender to puree.
- If you would like to thicken your soup a bit, mix 2 Tbsp of flour with 1/4 cup of cold water (i used coconut flour for the paleo version of this soup) Once the flour is dissolved into the water without clumps, slowly pour it into the soup and bring it all to a boil again.
After seeing the title of this post all of you can now guess what tops my list of favorite animated movies. Yes, that’s right it is Ratatouille. The story in short is about a brave young mouse named Remy who makes his way to Paris and sets out to become a chef. Towards the end of the movie in order to impress a tough restaurant critic he cooks up this dish. This traditional French dish originally from Nice brings the critic back to his childhood and warms his heart. This is an incredibly simple meal to make and makes a great side dish or even a meal in itself. If you have seen the movie you will know that Remy takes great care and time arranging the veggies beautifully. I simply do not have that sort of time as I am sure many of you do not either so mine is slightly messier. The result is the same, a yummy hearty meal perfect for a cool autumn night. Typically this dish also calls for egg plant, I however am allergic to it so naturally this dish is sans egg plant 🙂 If you like you can always add it into yours.
- 2 Medium Zucchinis
- 1 Bell Pepper
- 1 Can of Tomato Paste
- 2 Garlic Cloves (minced)
- 4 Sprigs Thyme
- 1/4 Medium White Onion (chopped)
- 1 Tsp Seasoning Salt
- 1 Tsp Paprika
- 1 Tsp Fresh Cracked Pepper
- 1 Cup Hot Water
- 2 Tbsp Olive Oil
- In a food processor, slice your zucchinis on a medium setting. Then slice up your bell pepper into strips.
- In a baking dish, put the onion and olive oil into the bottom.
- In a small bowl mix the garlic, thyme, spices and tomato paste with the water. Combine them all until the paste is dissolved. (using hot water will help dissolve the paste easier)
- Pour the tomato ‘sauce” into the bottom of the baking dish and mix with the onions and oil.
- Pre-heat your oven to 350F.
- Arrange your zucchini and pepper slices into the dish.
- Cover the dish with a piece of parchment paper then bake in the oven for 45-50 minutes.
These are just two of my favorite wreaths I made so far this year. I don’t know what it is about crafts but when it has been a rough day, getting those creative juices flowing always helps.
So the inspiration for these bad boys came from several places. Initially we were in BC wine country over the summer and had an amazing lunch at Burrowing Owl. There we ordered a charcuterie platter and one of the fixing they had on the side were pickled red onions that they made on site. Amazing. A few weeks later we were in Vancouver and decided to stop off at a taco joint which several of my husband’s co-workers rave about. As a side and added fixing you could put on your taco was nothing other than pickled red onions. Being the person that I am and a grandchild to an amazing pickler of everything and anything you can think of, I decided I would try my hand at pickling! Thanks granny! All those early years spent watching you fill the basement with mason jars packed with veggies, fruits, jams and so on paid off! This was my very first attempt at pickling and I am proud to say they are delicious and jam packed with wonderful flavors! Try them on anything from tacos and Mexican inspired meals to pulled pork and sandwiches 🙂
- 1 1/2 Cups Apple Cider Vinegar
- 1/4 Cup Sugar (use coconut sugar for paleo)
- 1/2 Tsp Cinnamon
- 1/2 Tsp Chili Flakes
- 1/2 Tsp Cracked Pepper
- 1 Tbsp Salt
- 1 Cup Boiled Water
- Juice from 1 Lime
- 1 Large Red Onion
* This recipe makes 2 full 500ml mason jars
- Clean and sanitize your mason jars. (I simply placed them in a large pot with water and boiled them for 10 minutes)
- Cut up your onion into strips and place into a strainer. Pour the 1 cup of hot boiled water over the onions and let them sit for a minute to soften them.
- In a small sauce pot combine the rest of the ingredients and bring them to a boil.
- Strain the onions then stuff them into the mason jars.
- Once the vinegar mix is boiling, pour it into the jars and fill to the top to cover the onions.
- Seal the jars and let them stand. Once they have cooled place them in the fridge and store for up to 2 weeks.
- The onions will be ready to at after 24 hours in the fridge.
A week ago we decided to go out for a dinner and a new item on the menu caught our eye. They were spicy green beans and they were delicious! Ever since then I have wanted to try my hand at making these. Last night as we were leaving from the vet, my father-in-law drove past us and my husband quickly gave him a call to let him know he was spotted. Earlier that morning I had put in a ridiculous amount of pork into the slow cooker so I figured why not invite him over for dinner. However, all we had at home was just that, pork. Now I also had some of my recently pickled onions but my father-in-law flat out refuses to eat onions so those were off the table for him. (The recipe for those amazing things will be posted soon along with the pork) Alright back to the beans. I had recently picked up some lovely looking green beans at the market for the purpose of attempting to recreate the spicy beans from the dinner. So last night was the night I gave it a shot, I have to say for something so easy and quick, they were delicious! If my father-in-law hadn’t shown up soon after I made them I think me and my husband would have easily polished them off as an appetizer.
- 1 Pack of Green Beans
- 2 Small Garlic Cloves (minced)
- 1 Tbsp Fresh Ginger (grated)
- 1 Tbsp Sesame Seeds
- 2 Tbsp Soy Sauce
- 1 ½ Tbsp Sesame Oil
- 1 ½ Tbsp Chili Flakes
- 1 ½ Tbsp Rice Wine Vinegar
- Fresh Pepper to taste
- Rinse your green beans and cut off the tips a bit for freshness. Set aside.
- Mix all the other ingredients in a small bowl.
- Heat up your wok and pour a little bit of water mixed with some olive oil into the bottom.
- Once the water is bubbling, throw in your beans and sauté them until they are bright and starting to get a bit golden (approx. 5 minutes)
- Pour in your sauce and cover the beans. Saute them for about a minute more.
- Remove and serve right away.